Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Random Thoughts of Parenting #4

Being a good parent is not about forcing your opinions but allowing theirs.

It's a big family joke at this point, something my mom still points out and now laughs about.   But the fact is this: I have believed from day 1 (DAY 1) that everyone has a right to their own opinion. I said many times as a young adult "That's great that God convicted you of that, but do not put your convictions on me."

 People's opinions are formed by their lives, their daily experiences and their perception of the world.  No one, and I mean, no one has a right to tell someone that their opinions are incorrect.  

I have never forced my opinion on my children and I have always allowed them to voice theirs, with respect and in a kind manner (which I believe are two caveats required to be a good person).  We do not try to change one anothers minds...instead we discuss.  We talk.  And often times we see a light, We all come back from discussions like this with more enlightenment, perhaps not changes minds, but more compassion.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Random thoughts on parenting #3

Being a good parent is not about knowing when to step up but when to step back.

Someone recently told me that when my kids grew up and had kids I would have to be "the bitch".
I sat silently.  In fact, the entire time the discussion was happening I just sat and listened. But in truth my mind was spiraling around the idea, like a marble in an empty bowl (Yes, I know, I just called my head empty).

Mainly I was stuck on a few things that triggered my thoughts.

  1. I do not believe anyone has to be a "bitch".  I believe that's a choice.
  2. I would never (and I can say that with certainty), NEVER tell my adult children how to live their lives.  I would never butt in.  I would butt out.  I want good relationships and I want them to come to me freely without fear of judgment.  
  3. If they are adults they are raised.  They don't need me to point out my convictions to them.  They know what I think and what I believer.  And even moreso they know, without a doubt, that while I hold myself to a high standard I do not hold others to the same standard nor do I place myself into others lives.
I guess for me, being a good parent (to adults and kids) is about stepping back.  
Kids need you to step back to allow them to make their own decisions.  Then not only are any mistakes theirs but so are any victories.  They need to confidence that making wise decisions allows.  And they need the learning experiences that making poor decisions gives.

I have always allowed my kids to work through things on their own.  I have always sat back, within range to save lives and helped them, guided them, talked them through coming to an end result that they are content with and have peace with.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

To be honest

I am currently (not really because what I am currently doing is typing) scrolling through Pinterest looking for Journal prompts.  Why? Because I feel a bit lost.

A bit lonely.
And a whole lot sad.

Why? I don't know.  Or perhaps I do.  But I won't go into it.  I am trying to figure out how to find happiness, yet again, though.  And frankly it's a bit of a tiring journey.  I wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel or heck, just know that I am, in fact, IN a tunnel.  I am honestly not quite sure where I am.  It's dark.  It's desolate.  And it's a bit selfish.  I don't know where I am at.  I don't know what to speak.  I am not sure I even know how to speak.  My only hope lies in Him.  This I know.  But this I do not know how to locate.  How to see clearly.  How to speak.  My only hope is that He knows my heart.  He knows my hurt.  And he knows what I need.

Because I don't.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Random Thoughts of Parenting #2

Being a good parent is not about making demands but about making requests.

You'll see that a lot of these are duplicates, just slightly worded differently.  Why?  Because to me it all comes down to one thing and that thing is respect.  Respect Is of the utmost importance for all human beings.  

I do not make demands of my kids.  Never have, never will.  I ask for help, ask if they can do something and if utterly important say something like "I really need you to help me with this". 

But just as I detested demands made by parents as a child I detest when parents demand things of their kids.  If you respect them they WILL treat you with respect.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Realities of depression

I have heard people say they get tired of reaching out...
People say that those with depression were needy...
People say that they are tired of trying to help...

...and while all of that makes perfect sense it needs to be clear that the depressed are also tired and exhausted and sick to death of the illness and honestly the feelings, the overwhelmingly sad feelings, the constant need for more, the extreme weight of our hearts and souls. We're tired of it all too.  So tired.

But many many times we, the depressed, know that one small still voice is all we need to get through the day.  And often it's yours.  The person holding back. The person tired of it all.  It's you and your voice we long to hear.

Don't be afraid to speak, even with silence.  Don't be afraid