Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Realities of depression

One of the worst things about depression has always been what I call the reminder.  Sometimes, in the midst of the journey, you are having a wonderful day ( which likely is only an average day but feels so fabulous and fulfilling you believe you have beat this thing). But then as quickly as the thought happily filled your mind darkness intruded into your brain. Your smile fades.  Your eyes go flat.  And your aching begins anew.

And suddenly you know, you just know, that this will be a battle you will fight for the rest of your life, and while the despair threatens to destroy you and harden your heart you still remember the lightness of 5 minutes ago and you promise yourself you will cling to it because it felt so peaceful that you know, despite it all, you're still alive.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Realities of depression

I am so tired of hiding behind the reality of my illness.  The cold hard fact is that I have depression and I will have it for the rest of my life.  Depression does not go away, it remains and if unchecked, festers and grows until one is overwhelmed by unrelenting achiness. There is no cure, I am not afraid to accept that,  there is nothing but clinging to hope and God, which when you think about it IS enough.  Perhaps that is the cure...leaning on God. But the symptoms are loneliness, isolation, fear and exhaustion. 

The quote is something I wrote years ago...the quote is something that is still pertinent. 

I am not destroying hope.  I am saying keep holding on, keep breathing even if that is all you do that day.  Some  days are easier than others.  

Wednesday, September 9, 2015


Made this using a bunch of yarn scraps! Maybe I'll get rid of them and get to start all over! Right now the afghan is a work in progress, but basically it's three stands of yarn,  chain 81, turn sc 80, ch 1 turn (continue).

To work with the variegation I laid all the scrap yarn out and organized by color from light to dark, as I ran out of a color I simply picked up the next color in line.  

Monday, August 3, 2015

Random Thoughts on Parenting #1

Being a good parent is not about giving answers but about asking questions.

I have always felt the my kids beliefs and opinions were of the utmost importance.  It has never been my job to teach them, but rather to learn from them as we all ages together.  As my children have grown they have held on to many of ideas, yet they have also wandered from my lifelong beliefs and expertly explained why they felt a particular way...Often in such an eloquent manner that after a long discussion I find myself more knowledgeable, more open minded, and often on a slightly different side of the fence than I had previously been sitting on.